Anger management counselling and psychotherapy in Hebden Bridge, near Halifax, West Yorkshire

“Inappropriate anger is an unhelpful response to frustrations, affronts to your dignity, and breaches of social rules by others.  People who respond with inappropriate and excessive anger typically get less of what they want in life, and they damage their physical and mental health in the process.  (Of course, people who cannot access any of their appropriate and assertive anger turn into doormats for aggressive others!) Learn how to manage your anger, and how to get more of what you want from life, using more skillful strategies for success.”

Dr Jim Byrne, July 2016

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Anger management counselling, coaching, psychotherapy in Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire, HX7 8HJ

By Dr Jim Byrne

July 2016

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Principles of E-CENT Anger Management Counselling

By Dr Jim Byrne

July 2016

Angry-manAnger is one of the main emotions that humans feel in certain kinds of stressful situations.  The other two are anxiety and depression.

Anger is the emotion that corresponds to the ‘fight response’ when an animal or human feels threatened, or (in the case of humans), seriously frustrated by another person, or insulted by somebody, or confronted by the bad behaviour of others.

In civilized societies, anger can be appropriate to the circumstances surrounding the angry individual, or excessive and aggressive.

In order to teach our clients how to manage their anger appropriately, we have evolved a set of principles which can help to summarize coping self-talk, and coping actions.

Here are the first three (of ten such principles):


Innate-angerPrinciple 1
: Anger is natural, normal and innate, or inborn into each of us. So you should not try to get rid of all traces of your anger.

Anger can keep us safe in a dangerous world. But it can also lead us to engage in conflict that is against our best interests.

Anger can help us to know when we are being threatened, exploited or exposed to danger, and help us to fight our way out.  And it is good to learn a system of self-defence which will reduce your aggression, and keep your powder dry until you absolutely have to use it!

It is often the case that what is required is a moderate level of anger, directed in the form of assertive actions or assertive communications.

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Unhealthy-angerPrinciple 2: Because anger is natural and normal, that does not justify anybody discharging their anger in an unthinking or uncontrolled way.  Just as the elimination of waste products from the body is natural and normal, but we have socialized ways of doing that decorously (meaning, politely and with restraint); so also do civilized individuals have decorous (or polite and restrained) ways of managing their anger.

Furthermore, in a family that knows how to manage its emotions well, the children learn to control their anger so that they feel reasonable levels of anger, and avoid excessive, destructive anger.

If your family did not teach you to control your anger to reasonable, assertive levels – and to avoid aggressive and destructive anger outbursts; and passive ‘wimping out’ – you can still learn how to do that today.  It is never too late to learn new approaches to emotional self-management.

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Socialized-angerPrinciple 3: An angry reaction to frustration or insult is a manifestation of the fight response which is innate in all animals.  But you cannot fight a traffic jam, or too many emails, or a clever insult.  Therefore, you have to rewire yourself to respond with something other than anger in those situations where anger will not guide you into the right course of action.  The first piece of re-wiring that you could befit from is this:

Teach yourself, over and over again, to accept the things you cannot change and to only try to change the things which are fairly clearly changeable.

And teach yourself to laugh off insults and affronts!  This will rob your adversaries of the victory of seeing how much they upset you!

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Introduction to anger management

Anger comes in various forms.

Image-11-AngerIn its aggressive form anger is destructive.  Aggressive anger is a form of uncontrolled rage and hostility, which can easily become physical aggression, conflict and assault of others – resulting in physical harm to others, or causing them to physically harm you!

In its assertive form anger isconstructive.  Assertive anger stops you becoming a doormat for others.  It fuels your assertive communications to others, in which you ask for what you want, and say a strong ‘No’ to what you do not want.

There is also a passive-aggressive form, in which you put up with unreasonable behaviour, insults, etc., form others – each time collecting a hate-fuelled ‘brown stamp’, which goes in your mental stamp book. When you’ve collected enough of these passive brown-stamps, you flip from passive to aggressive mode, and you cash in your stamps in exchange for an explosive outburst of hostility and rage at the other person or persons.  This passive-aggressive form of anger is also, clearly destructive.

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Dr Jim's photoI can teach you how to avoid the aggressive and passive-aggressive forms of anger, and to only use the assertive form.

This work will involve shrinking certain of your ‘ego states’, or ‘mind states’, and growing the most helpful ego-state, which is called your Adult.

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Option 1: I can do this work in open-ended counselling and psychotherapy sessions, of unspecified number, for which the fees can be found on my Fees Schedule (which is based on a sliding scale of fees, depending on your income).

Option 2: Or, we can use a more coaching-teaching format, in which I teach you the essentials of anger management skill, over six sessions.  These sessions could be at one week, two-week, or monthly intervals; and they would be more like a one-to-one training course, for which you can have a certificate of completion, if you so choose.  The fee for this program is six sessions at £70.00 per session (no concessions).

Jims-counselling-div2Call me or email me today to set up your first appointment, and please specify whether you want Option 1 or Option 1, above.

Dr Jim Byrne***

01422 843 629

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We can meet in Hebden Bridge, at 27 Wood End, Keighley Road, HX7 8HJ – (which, according to Google Maps can be found under the erroneous address of 27 Keighley Road, HX7 8HJ).

Or you can consult me long-distance, via email, telephone or Skype.***

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In one of my earlier video clips, in talk about some research that I did on the subject of anger from various perspective, including the Buddhist and Stoic perspectives, in preparation for the writing of a book on anger.  This is what I said at that time (some of which needs to be updated today!)

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Additional Information 

What is anger, and why is it a problem?

Anger-management.JPGAnger is one of the innate responses of a living being to a threat or a startling experience.  It is the aggressive side of the fight or flight response.

When an animal (including a human animal) is threatened, it tends to respond by fighting, fleeing or freezing.

Anger is the fuel of the fight response; while anxiety is the fuel of the flight response.

In its positive form, anger manifests as controlled self-protectiveness – appropriate to the circumstances – resulting in an assertive or self-defensive response.

Inappropriate anger is the negative form, which manifests in uncontrolled aggression – exceeding the needs of the moment – resulting in an overly-aggressive or other-threatening response.

Inappropriate anger tends to make enemies, unnecessarily, and to fan the flames of small conflicts. Inappropriate anger makes matters worse, and not better!

Anger management strategies allow you to control your anger, so it is appropriate to the circumstances you face, and that it is self-assertive but not threatening to others.

Appropriate, controlled anger is good for us, as it helps us to protect ourselves in the world.  Inappropriate, uncontrolled anger is bad for us, because it gets us into trouble; results in fights, damaged and broken relationships, loss of jobs, demotions, arrests, road accidents, heart disease, damage to arteries, stomach ulcers, and many other negative outcomes.

It makes sense to learn how to control your anger, so you do not over-react to threats, value-conflicts, or insults in your life.  Good anger management skills result in better human relations, at home and in work, and also maintain better physical and mental health.

Dr-Jims-office.jpgAnger management skills can be taught (by me) and learned (by you).

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Many people come to see me with problems of anger, at home and/or at work.  They find that they have a short fuse when they are frustrated by others; or when others cause them to look foolish; or when people behave badly when they should know better.

I have helped hundreds of people to reduce their angry responses to a more reasonable level, by working with them on how to think and feel cooler and calmer when facing difficulties, like insults, threats, or frustrations.

Others come from families in which anger was modelled for them as a legitimate way to solve conflicts of opinion.  However, they later find that this does not work in the wider world.

You can lose your partner or lover through indulging in inappropriate outbursts of anger.  You can lose your job, or your promotion prospects in work.  You can lose your sense of self-respect.  You can lose your freedom, if you seriously assault another person and fall into the hands of the police and the prison authorities.

And you can even lose your life, if you go angrily chasing other drivers on the motorway and cause a traffic pile-up; or you pick a fight with the wrong person, who retaliates violently.

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Couple-conflict3.jpgI can teach you how to avoid the aggressive and passive-aggressive forms of anger, and to only use the assertive form.  This work will involve shrinking certain of your ‘ego states’, or ‘mind states’, and growing the most helpful ego-state, which is called your Adult.

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Option 1: I can do this work in open-ended counselling and psychotherapy sessions, of unspecified number, for which the fees can be found on my Fees Schedule (which is based on a sliding scale of fees, depending on your income).

Option 2: Or, we can use a more coaching-teaching format, in which I teach you the essentials of anger management skill, over six sessions.  These sessions could be at one week, two-week, or monthly intervals; and they would be more like a one-to-one training course, for which you can have a certificate of completion, if you so choose.  The fee for this program is six sessions at £70.00 per session (no concessions).

Call me or email me today to set up your first appointment, and please specify whether you want Option 1 or Option 1, above.

Dr Jim Byrne***

01422 843 629

We can meet in Hebden Bridge, at 27 Wood End, Keighley Road, HX7 8HJ – (which, according to Google Maps can be found under the erroneous address of 27 Keighley Road, HX7 8HJ).

Or you can consult me long-distance, via email, telephone or Skype.***

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When my counselling clients need anger management help, one of the things I might do is to teach them some of the Stoic approaches to controlling anger.  For example:  “The Stoics … recommended that we use humour to deflect insults.  Cato cracked a joke when someone spit in his face, as did Socrates when somebody boxed his ears.  Seneca suggests that besides being an effective response to an insult, humour can be used to prevent ourselves from becoming angry: ‘Laughter’, he says, ‘and a lot of it, is the right response to the things which drive us to tears!’  The idea is that by choosing to think of the bad things that happen to us as being funny rather than outrageous, an incident that might have angered us can instead become a source of amusement.  Indeed, one imagines that Cato and Socrates, by using humour in response to an insult, not only deflected the insult but prevented themselves from getting angry at the person who had insulted them”.

William Irvine (2009) A Guide to the Good Life: The ancient art of stoic joy.  Page 162. (9). 

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Here is a little video introduction to the E-CENT approach to anger management counselling and coaching:

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Anger management help, through counselling, coaching and psychotherapy 

Anger-uncontrolled2.JPGI can help you to calm down, and to stay calmed down. I do this by teaching you new ways to think about the threats, frustrations and insults that you face on a daily basis.

I teach elements of philosophy from around the world, and from a long history of philosophers’ and psychologists’ attempts to understand the destructive power of anger.

I also include an understanding of the need to calm your body as well as your mind.

You can consult me:

In Hebden Bridge, West Yorkshire, for face to face counselling/coaching.

We can meet in Hebden Bridge, at 27 Wood End, Keighley Road, HX7 8HJ – (which, according to Google Maps can be found under the erroneous address of 27 Keighley Road, HX7 8HJ).

Or you can consult me long-distance, via email, telephone or Skype.***

and I can send you follow-up reading material, and you can email me with progress reports.

You could also use my self-help resource page, and learn my anger management strategies! 

In a short time you could have your anger under control, if you respond well to my coaching.

cropped-jim-nata-couples-pg-w300h245.jpgI can teach you how to avoid the aggressive and passive-aggressive forms of anger, and to only use the assertive form.  This work will involve shrinking certain of your ‘ego states’, or ‘mind states’, and growing the most helpful ego-state, which is called your Adult.

~~~

Option 1: I can do this work in open-ended counselling and psychotherapy sessions, of unspecified number, for which the fees can be found on my Fees Schedule (which is based on a sliding scale of fees, depending on your income).

Option 2: Or, we can use a more coaching-teaching format, in which I teach you the essentials of anger management skill, over six sessions.  These sessions could be at one week, two-week, or monthly intervals; and they would be more like a one-to-one training course, for which you can have a certificate of completion, if you so choose.  The fee for this program is six sessions at £70.00 per session (no concessions).

Call me or email me today to set up your first appointment, and please specify whether you want Option 1 or Option 1, above.

Dr Jim Byrne***

01422 843 629

We can meet in Hebden Bridge, at 27 Wood End, Keighley Road, HX7 8HJ – (which, according to Google Maps can be found under the erroneous address of 27 Keighley Road, HX7 8HJ).

Or you can consult me long-distance, via email, telephone or Skype.***

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Or download an information pack: Information pack for Face to Face clients

Don’t miss this chance to sort your problems out.

Call me today.

Jim Byrne
Doctor of Counselling
ABC Coaching and Counselling Services

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POSTSCRIPT

For further information about me and my services, please check out the following links:

About Dr Jim Byrne (his education, training, and accreditation)

Accreditation and Ethics (describes my ethical codes of practice and complaints procedures)

Frequently asked questions (FAQs)

Schedule of fees

About the system of counselling and therapy that I use (which is Emotive-Cognitive Embodied Narrative Therapy [E-CENT])

Other areas of counselling specialism.

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