Hebden Bridge Coaching and Counselling Service
If you want to improve your life, then I can help you!
Are you experiencing problems of stress, sleep disruption; problems related to diet and nutrition, or the will to exercise; or self-confidence and self-esteem; or self-assertion and communication skills; then I can help you. Or perhaps you are just stuck and need help to find a new way forward in life.
My name is Renata Taylor-Byrne, and I’ve been involved in counselling, coaching, therapy, and teaching – plus professional and personal development – since the 1980’s. And in that time I have learned how to quickly develop a strong, supportive and empowering relationship with my clients.
This helps individuals to feel safe; to unburden themselves; and to begin to plan changes in their lives to address their immediate goals, specific problems or emotional difficulties.
Here’s a little video introduction to my system of coaching/counselling:
What is coaching about?
“Clients come to coaching because they want something to change. Essentially they want to be more effective. The role of the coach is to help them achieve this increased effectiveness”.
“Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.”
What do you need?
If you’re struggling with problems to do with…
* handling unexpected or demanding changes in your life circumstances
* changing one of your habits, or starting a new one
* improving your sleep
* reducing your feelings of being under pressure
* clarifying your thinking or feelings
* achieving important goals; or:
* working to change a difficult emotional or relationship problem…
…then I can help you with these and similar challenges.
I offer a safe space in which to talk about your problems, to get advice and guidance, to learn some new techniques or models, and generally to work out a way forward that suits you.
Here are the things that I can offer you:
First: Problem-solving models that you can use for the rest of your life: I teach my clients one or more of a broad range of problem-solving techniques that I have discovered and used over the years. Knowing the right technique to use for different situations is an important skill. Not every problem can be solved by one universal problem-solving technique, just as a toolkit that only contains a hammer is useless, except when dealing with nails.
Second: Assertiveness strategies that will make your life easier:
If you don’t develop the skills of boundary setting with others, people can take advantage of you. Blocking attempts from other people, who are trying to treat you as less than equal, or to exploit you, is a crucial part of maintaining your personal health, and psychological well-being.
Many individuals who I meet do not realize that they are responsible for managing the boundary of their personal life – their personal domain. They don’t know that they have to perform the role of the ‘Sheriff of Dodge City’ (their own city, in fact!). They are waiting for the world to ‘get fair’, so they can be treated in the manner to which they know they are entitled. Perhaps this applies to you as well?
These attitudes arose in your family of origin, as described by Max Frost:
“Our lives are embedded in relationships with others, and our self-belief, self-esteem and self-image arise out of our mental pictures of those relationships”
So, if the patterns of relating that we learned in our family of origin are not serving us well, then we have to change them. But nobody ever shows up to do this job for you, and so I teach you how to manage your own boundary, and to defend yourself in your interpersonal relationships, at home and in work.
“If a problem looks difficult, relax. If it looks impossible, relax even more. Then begin encouraging small changes, putting just enough pressure on yourself to move one turtle step forward. Then rest, savour, celebrate. Then step again. You’ll find that slow is fast, gentle is powerful, and stillness moves mountains.”
Another way of describing how you need to protect your personal boundaries is this: Part of becoming a strong person is to learn to become your own ‘bouncer’, and to block unwanted domination attempts by others, who may attempt to use oppressive behaviour or destructive criticism against you.
My clients quickly learn new techniques for blocking unfair criticism and oppressive behaviour.
Third: I show you how you can control your stress levels: It’s important to understand the messages that come from your body when you are experiencing stress and strain. If you don’t know how your nervous system operates – and tries to communicate with you – (to protect you from all the hassles you get in your daily life), then you won’t be able to stay strong and resilient, and in control of yourself.
I’ve made a detailed study of stress problems, and how to manage and resolve them. Many of my clients have been amazed that the real source of their stress problem was not what they thought it was; and they also find it helpful to know that stress is a two-element problem, only one of which is normally within your control. Once you understand the components (of that element which is within your control), you can better manage your physical and emotional wellbeing in a difficult and stressful world.
Fourth: I show you how you can change an unwanted habit or create a new one:
We humans are creatures of habit, and it is very hard to get rid of our bad habits, very easy to learn new bad habits; and very hard to learn new good habits! The secrets of learning new good habits are well known to me. Here is one of them:
“Olympic gold medallist Peter Vidmar is known to have said that to be a champion he only had to do two things:
The first thing: Exercise and train when he wanted to.
The second thing: Exercise and train when he didn’t want to….”
John Assaraf (2003) ‘Having it all’ Simon and Shuster
If you don’t know the facts behind changing your habits, and the simple rules for achieving habit change, then you’ll give yourself a hard time when you succumb to temptation and repeat your old bad habits. But that is unfair to yourself; and unrealistic! I have made a number of studies of how to change ingrained habits. I have used these ideas in my own life; and also helped my clients to be most efficient in changing their unwelcome or self-damaging habits.
“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”
Fifth: You can learn to control your inner critic with my help:
Sometimes our problems are outside of ourselves. But sometimes they are within us – voices from the past – maps of the world we learned from parents who did not know they were misleading us. Decisions and judgements we made which no longer serve us well. If we combine all those self-undermining elements together, we can call it our ‘inner critic’. Our inner critic blames us when we slip up; damns us when we make a mistake; underestimates our ability; derides our reasonable ambitions; and can make us very unhappy. It can talk us out of trying to change!
Here is the way Max Frost refers to this inner critic:
“If you had a friend who talked to you the way you talk to yourself, would you hang out with them?”
If you don’t learn to manage your inner critic you will be restricting yourself to a life dominated by the views and values of other people. (Our inner critic is created out of the family and culture that we come from. It begins as an important element of our Controlling Parent ego state, which provides us with appropriate guilt and shame, as moral emotions. But it can grow into an unrealistic bully, and demand perfection, in one form or another, from us; and it can be very cruel to us). So, it’s important to keep our moral values, but not to indulge in inappropriate guilt and shame, or self-denigration, put-downs, etc.
“View the events you consider obstacles as perfect opportunities to test your resolve and find your purpose.”
Any problem we have can be made much worse by the constant carping of our inner critic, which weakens us, and allows us to be dominated by others. I have developed techniques for bringing the inner critic into conscious awareness, and bringing it under reasonable control, so we do not beat ourselves up when we perform less than perfectly in the world.
Sixth: I have also studied the top ways in which my clients can reconnect with themselves and their creative abilities and help them to discover their life’s purpose.
Here is an extract from a talk by Barbara Sher, in which she talks about the importance of finding your life’s purpose:
Our materialistic culture distracts people from their unique talents and the contribution they could make to life. Knowing how to express your unique talents, and the full flowering of your personality, is very satisfying. It can also help you to move closer to finding your own life purpose, which is an important stage in your personal development.
I practice a form of coaching/counselling called Lifestyle Coaching and Holistic Counselling.
This overlaps all other forms of talk-therapy and coaching guidance, but it also significantly includes the latest research on the connection between the brain and the guts, and the role that gut health plays in sound emotional wellbeing (which some people call good ‘mental health’). It also includes insights from research on diet, physical exercise and stress. It is often said that an army ‘marches on its stomach’, and it is true that successful individuals, in every walk of life, manage their lifestyle in such a way as to maintain healthy diet, guts, muscles, sleep patterns, and so on. And when they don’t, they don’t last long!
An army marches towards its goals; and we need to set our goals and function towards them intelligently. Here’s Mary Kay Ashe’s view:
“An average person, with average talents and ambition and average education can outstrip the most brilliant genius in our society if that person has clear, focussed goals”
The benefits of the service I offer
Here is a short video clip in which I explain some of the benefits of my services:
Individuals who have been through my Lifestyle coaching/ counselling process tell me that what they got included: (1) A listening ear; empathy; and moral support; (2) A teaching/learning experience, including insights into a broad range of research studies that help them to better manage their time, space, relationships, health, wealth and happiness; (3) Acceptance and reassurance – including a secure base, from which they learned to be more secure in their real-world relationships; (4) Appropriate advice, which fitted in well with their needs, wants, desires and goals; (5) And help to become a better problem solver in every area of life.
You are a whole body-brain-mind-environment complexity (and the body and emotions are not shown in the graphic above!), and I deal with the whole of you (though primarily through talking and teaching and coaching), and I can help you to optimise your functioning in the world, at home and in work, for a better, happier, more successful life.
I have seen my clients’ confidence grow; their sense of self strengthen; their sense of purpose clarify; their stated goal(s) achieved or progressing well, and their engagement in the world become happier and healthier.
If you need my help, please contact me. If you don’t live near Hebden Bridge, then you can contact me by telephone.
Or you can email me to set up an appointment, via the telephone, or face-to-face.
That’s all for now.
Renata Taylor-Byrne BSc (Hons) Psychol, DipSM, Dip.CBT, MAC, CCC.Reg
To get more information, or to set up an appointment, please call me today,
On 01422 843 629 (from inside the UK);
Or 44 1422 843 629 (from abroad).
Or email me on email@example.com
For more information about me, please see the About Renata Taylor-Byrne – Lifestyle Coach page.***
For details of my fees, please go to my Schedule of Fees page.***
PS: I also offer telephone coaching-counselling all over the world via the telephone system.
Also, please take a look at my blog: Renata’s Coaching Blog.***